Doubts and Fears

Last night I was up, unable to sleep, thinking about the upcoming marathon.  In less than four weeks I am supposed to participate in the Seattle Rock and Roll Marathon, this coming weekend, I am supposed to run 20 miles as part of my training.  I feel completely unprepared for both.  This past weekend, I went out for a long run and almost died at 13 miles.  The shoes I have bought and started to break in during my short runs have caused me to develop foot pain (on the top of my foot!).  My mind is filling with doubt!  I have never raced a full marathon (or even a 1/2 marathon).  Would it be better to do the Seattle 1/2 and target a race in the early fall before harvest to run the full?  The Portland Marathon would be perfect for me, it would give me more time to train.  Is the doubt I am having more pre-race jitters or real concern about how much training I have missed? For the next few days, I am going to be resting to let my foot heal.  At 1:30 in the morning, I went online and found a pair of my favorite shoes of all time (the Mizuno Wave Alchemy) and ordered them to be here by the weekend.  This Sunday, I am going to go for a 20 mile run.  I looked at the course details for the marathon I am training for, there will be a water station every 1.5 miles.  On my training run, every 1.5 miles I am going to slow and walk for a minute, drink water and eat some energy gel, trying to simulate a race strategy to complete the full marathon.  For my first marathon, I want to finish strong and not be dead for the next week.  I want running marathons to be a long term hobby, not a once in a life bucket list item.